New Moon Songs
by fm212
Summary: Based off of songs: Set during new moons, a few short one shots from Bella's point of view during new moon.
1. Sideways

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to... what does it matter, it doesn't belong to me.

Summary: One shots in Bella's P.O.V. During New Moon. Based off of songs.

Chap. 1:

_Well, diamonds they fade  
And flowers they bloom  
And I'm telling you  
These feelings won't go away _

_**Sideways: Citizen Cope**_

My screams had woken me up yet again, the same old nightmare, the same empty space in the bed where he used to be. I wiped my hand over my damp forehead trying to remember what it was like when he was here. It came to me easily, more easily than his voice did.

I pictured him sitting in the rocking chair, watching me as I smiled at him. He didn't speak and he didn't need to. Him being there was enough for me. My mind whispered "_I love you_" to him. And never in my life had anything been more true.

My love for him hadn't faded, even with the realization that he didn't want me. I knew it wouldn't ever. My love for him would last as long as I did. The hole in my chest made itself known again. I wrapped my arms around my torso, holding my pieces together. I was the fragile and over filled balloon, at any moment I would pop and my pieces would go flying.

I wondered if that would be so bad. At least if I broke, it would be out. Maybe keeping it in was what kept the edges of the hole in my chest burning. I shook my head, breaking wouldn't do anyone any good. I had to keep strong, for Charlie.

I had to keep it together because one day, he would come back. One day, I hoped he would be back.


	2. For Blue Skies

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to... what does it matter, it doesn't belong to me.

Summary: One shots in Bella's P.O.V. During New Moon. Based off of songs.

Chap. 2:

_I never believed you  
I only wanted to  
Before all this what did I miss?  
Do you ever get homesick?_

_**For Blue Skies: Strays Don't Sleep**_

I suppose now that it makes sense, him leaving me. I suppose deep down I always knew he never loved me, that I never deserved him. I never believed him when he said he wouldn't leave, that he loved me, I just wanted to. Now, I was realizing that my hope was false hope, that he wouldn't be returning for me.

I guess I should be grateful, before him I wasn't anything special, Bella Swan, average girl. Now, I had something to miss, something to remember. Even it it was all fake, it felt real when it was happening. The only thing that I had to miss before was my life in Phoenix. Edward Cullen had brought meaning into my life, even for the short time he was there. And although I would never get over him, never be able to move on, the happiness he gave me was more than most people would feel in their whole life.

Knowing all of this didn't stop me from wondering if he thought about Forks, missed it wherever he was. He may not have missed or loved me but I know that he liked Forks. It was perfect for him and his family. Was he sitting in Alaska, wishing for rain and thunder so he could play baseball? In the dessert by himself, wishing for green, his meadow? Or maybe he just missed the house he and his family had inhabited?

Maybe I should hold onto the hope that he loved Forks enough to return. If he didn't come back for me, maybe he would come back to the place he loved.

"Be homesick Edward, _PLEASE,_ be homesick." I whispered into the darkness, like a prayer before my head hit the pillow.


	3. You only disappear

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to... what does it matter, it doesn't belong to me.

Summary: One shots in Bella's P.O.V. During New Moon. Based off of songs.

Chap. 3:

_With a word, with a line  
With a smile that says goodbye  
Baby says goodbye  
It's raining now on royal street  
And I'd walk to you if I could trust my feet _

_**You Only Disappear: Tom Mcrae**_

Another sleepless night led me to remembering the day that he left me. I should have seen it coming, not only did I not deserve him, but the kisses. He kissed me like it was the last time he'd see me, the last time he'd kiss me. I should have seen it then. The facts just didn't add up though. He didn't love me, I knew that. So why did he kiss me the way that he did? Was it all for my benefit, so that my illusion of love wouldn't be broken?

But what was the point of that? Why fake it for the sake of someone that you never loved anyway. Or maybe, he did love me at one point, and now he was just sick of me, like a toy you lose interest in. It was plausible.

Rain pelting on my window shook me from my reminiscing. I looked out my window and into the darkness, I could almost see the woods where he had left me. Almost. But I could see it so clearly in my mind's eye. The way that the greens of the trees and ferns and moss looked in the darkness when I lay there alone.

In my mind, followed him, keeping up with him even with his vampire speed. But I always came out of my day dream just as he stopped to turn around and ask me what I was doing. What was I doing? How do you justify following someone that made it very clear how they feel about you? What would I have said to him, if I had the chance? Perhaps I would have pleaded harder for him to stay. Tried to tell him I would be better for him, I would work harder to earn his love.

If only I could trust my feet to get me to him.


End file.
